Dharmist in Progress

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." ~ Einstein

Creepy Stalker Dreams…or Sleeping Beauty

I feel you, Johanna,
I feel you.
I was half convinced I’d waken,
Satisfied enough to dream you.
Happily I was mistaken,
I’ll steal you, Johanna,
I’ll steal you.

“Johanna” – Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I’ve had this song stuck in my head off and on all day.  I lovingly refer to it as “the creepy stalker song.”

Life has seemed rather dream-like lately.

I’m a newlywed, pursuing a rather taboo religious path, and I recently lost a friend.  It’s a bit too much for reality to bear right now.

So, my brain, being its normal weird self, thinks of Sweeney Todd.

A normal girl’s brain would go more this route:

But, if there’s anything you’ve learned, O My Brothers*, it’s that I am far from a “normal” girl.

I cope with things in odd ways, and so I’m far more scatterbrained than normal.

C’est la vie.


* Vague A Clockwork Orange reference.

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One Foot in Front of the Other

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

– J. R. R. Tolkien

I’ve been going through a hard time lately.  A friend passed away, very unexpectedly.

I’ve never lost anyone before, so I can’t even comprehend that he’s gone, and not coming back.

It’s like a nightmare.

And so, I’ve thrown myself into The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and Pride and Prejudice, and I’m just coping a little bit at a time.

So, that’s why I’ve been a bit silent.


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Please Help

I have a very close friend needing prayers/meditations/well-wishing/good juju/positive thoughts right now.

If you could just take some time to send brainwaves this way, we would greatly appreciate it.  Thank you so much.

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Tomorrow, I’ll Draw You a Picture

I work as an assistant teacher in a child care facility.  I tend to float around to different classrooms, and this week, I’ve gotten to work with the four year olds for the first time.

These kids are pretty much the opposite of my usual babies.  But there’s something that has really struck me.

The kids draw everyone pictures.

They don’t even think about it.  It’s a crucial part in their little four year old lives.  Eat, play, sleep, draw people pictures…no big deal.

As a former photography student, and a hobby/semi-pro artist on several fronts, this holds a lot of meaning to me.

Art is literally a piece of your soul, and these children are writing their sweet little names on these soul-pieces and giving them away with a smile and no second thought.

What would the world be like if we all handed out pieces of our souls to anyone who was so much as nice to us?

I will strive to be more like a four year old.




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Well, Hello There!


I know that isn’t excessively impressive, but I was at nine on New Year’s Day.

Loves ❤


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My Heart

“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.”

― Edgar Allan Poe

My heart has been up to some shenanigans lately.

It knows what it’s doing, though.

My heart knows when it has put up with far too much for far too long.

It takes a lot to change my heart.  Take, for example, my stages of anger, spread out over a several month period:

  1. Annoyed
  2. Frustrated
  3. More frustrated
  4. Denial
  5. Frustrated again
  6. Grumpy
  7. Muttering to myself
  8. Having trouble hiding annoyance
  9. Angry enough to snap
  10. Angry enough to go off
  11. Terrifyingly happy

I hit stage eleven with someone today.  It really does scary me when I get so angry I can’t stop smiling.  I start to wonder if I’m a psychopath (I’m not).

It takes a lot to drive me to that point.  Like, it’s happened so rarely I could count the times on one hand.

But my heart wants what it wants, and right now it really just wants a break to enjoy being a happy newlywed without anyone trying to drag it into their problems.

Selfish?  Maybe.

Healthy? Oh yes.


And so, I make uncharacteristic decisions, and try to come down from my adrenaline rush.

Now I can begin to heal, and be back to my normal perky self.

Yay 🙂


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Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy

…are drifting through my open mind, possessing and caressing me.”

– the Beatles, Across the Universe

It’s difficult to be different.

I don’t mean to tell you the theme of pretty much every ’80s movie.  It really is difficult to be different.

A vegetarian in a carnivorous family.  A nerd who’s dropped out of three colleges.  A Hindu in the Bible Belt.

I’ve never “fit in.”  I’m not that kind of person.  I am unlike anyone I’ve ever met, and proud of it.

However, sometimes things happen that remind me.

My husband was popular in high school.  He was smart, good at sports, and a geek, so he literally got along with everyone.

I was…not.  I’ve found it incredibly difficult to balance a need to belong with being true to myself, and it’s still a daily struggle.

Sometimes you have to choose between giving honest, necessary advice, and telling people what they want to hear.  My new year’s resolution was and is to always do the former.  It’s already blown up in my face at least twice, but I stand by my decision.

I’m not going to lie to my loved ones and myself, in a desperate (and ineffective) attempt at saving them from reality.

There’s a difference between a positive outlook and denying reality.  Denying reality is unhealthy, and really just makes everything worse.

And so, if anyone finds me offensive, it’s just part of the package.  There is no honor in faking a smile when a frown is the next step forward.


Sorry for the random soul searching posts this week.  Hopefully the next post I make will be on topic again.


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My Life, Poetry, and Star Stuff

From time to time, I find myself wondering how and why things turn out the way they do.

Was I a terrible person in a past life, or have I just hit an inevitable rough patch?  I nearly always decide that it’s just a rough patch.

I have a few very good friends, and one whom I seem to have enjoyed enough to spend the rest of my life with.  Honestly, if it weren’t for him, I would be rethinking karma as the root of my problems.

I am truly blessed to have found him.  But I’m not writing to ooze sappiness all over the page, so I’ll continue.

I found this on Pinterest:


It kind of speaks to the issues I’ve been having lately.

Several people close to me (and I mean several, I’m not trying to speak to any individuals) have been struggling with things lately, because they either won’t accept love like that, or they refuse to give it.

I don’t necessarily believe in unconditional love, but one has to be willing to make sacrifices, and even walk away, when it’s needed.  Sometimes the best way to show love is to withdraw it.

But sometimes, as well, you have to stand up for yourself.  And it’s impossible to determine which one you need to do, many times.  But others, your path is clearly laid before you, with no hope of a detour.

So accept it.  Walk down that road. Take Frost’s road less traveled by.

Trying not to walk down your own path will only bring heartbreak.

My road is currently unclear.  I know I want to go back to school, but I can’t pay rent and tuition both, and rent seems quite possible in my near future.  But that’s all I’ll say on that subject.

So meditate, do yoga, draw, listen to music, take a walk, take a drive, watch Carl Sagan’s Cosmos; whatever you need to do.  I’ll be doing the same.

Right now, it’s meditation and Cosmos.  It will surely be a sleepless night.

The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it but the way the atoms are put together.  The cosmos is also within us.  We’re made of star stuff, we are a way for the cosmos to know itself. – Carl Sagan


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New Years Resolutions

Okay, I’ll hop on the bandwagon.  Here are my resolutions for the New Year, which I’m sure I’ll forget in a few weeks:

For me as a person.

  • Being entirely honest with people, instead of trying to protect them by withholding information and opinions.
  • Being more aware of the ways people show/receive love, and respecting them (this mostly means accepting complements and gifts without arguing, something incredibly difficult for me).
  • Cook for myself more, so that I spend less time crying because I realized something like GOLDFISH CRACKERS isn’t vegetarian friendly, after I’ve eaten like a pound.

For the blog.

  • Get more followers.  For goodness’ sake, there are nine of you, and I’m sure none of you actually follow anymore.
  • Maybe do daily or weekly themes? Still a thought in progress.



Can’t We All Just Get Along?

A few days ago, I had a very long and drawn out argument.  I tend to avoid such things, because they stress me out, but I really could not let this one go.

It was, essentially, about whether or not vegetarians should act respectfully toward meat-eaters.

No matter how much I think of sweet little piggies and cows being slaughtered, it’s still against my nature and my beliefs to treat someone differently due to their lifestyle choices.

This person argued that it isn’t a lifestyle choice when death is involved.

I don’t know the point in human development when an omnivorous diet was introduced.  I’m assuming there was some sort of scavenging period before we became hunter-gatherers, and then meat consumption on a larger scale began when we domesticated animals. Fast forward to the settlement of America, and you have people with cows and not much else.

It absolutely makes sense to me how people began eating meat.  It was necessity.  But it has gotten rather out of hand.  I’m sure nearly anyone can admit that meat at every meal is excessive.

Anyway, I digress.

My cats eat meat.  Not only do they eat meat; they tend to run off and kill adorable furry things.  I don’t blame my cats.  It’s in their instincts, and it’s how their mothers raised them.  And so, if I don’t blame my cats for killing adorable furry things because they grew up that way, how can I blame my human family in the same situation?

Some would argue that they know better, and have an overwhelming amount of information against them.  That same argument has been used countless times in the history of the world (see: slavery, segregation, trickle-down economics).  Basically, people aren’t going to change until they’re quite ready to do so.

I am firmly against degrading people for their choices.  If you believe in the kind treatment of animals, you should believe in the kind treatment of humans.  Simple as that.

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” – Gandhi.

Kill them with kindness, ladies and gentlemen.  The more you push your opinions, the more people will rebel like teenage girls with blue hair and tongue piercings.  Lead by example, without looking back, and hope that others follow.


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