Dharmist in Progress

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." ~ Einstein

My Heart

on January 8, 2013

“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.”

― Edgar Allan Poe

My heart has been up to some shenanigans lately.

It knows what it’s doing, though.

My heart knows when it has put up with far too much for far too long.

It takes a lot to change my heart.  Take, for example, my stages of anger, spread out over a several month period:

  1. Annoyed
  2. Frustrated
  3. More frustrated
  4. Denial
  5. Frustrated again
  6. Grumpy
  7. Muttering to myself
  8. Having trouble hiding annoyance
  9. Angry enough to snap
  10. Angry enough to go off
  11. Terrifyingly happy

I hit stage eleven with someone today.  It really does scary me when I get so angry I can’t stop smiling.  I start to wonder if I’m a psychopath (I’m not).

It takes a lot to drive me to that point.  Like, it’s happened so rarely I could count the times on one hand.

But my heart wants what it wants, and right now it really just wants a break to enjoy being a happy newlywed without anyone trying to drag it into their problems.

Selfish?  Maybe.

Healthy? Oh yes.


And so, I make uncharacteristic decisions, and try to come down from my adrenaline rush.

Now I can begin to heal, and be back to my normal perky self.

Yay 🙂



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: