Dharmist in Progress

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." ~ Einstein

My Heart

on January 8, 2013

“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.”

― Edgar Allan Poe

My heart has been up to some shenanigans lately.

It knows what it’s doing, though.

My heart knows when it has put up with far too much for far too long.

It takes a lot to change my heart.  Take, for example, my stages of anger, spread out over a several month period:

  1. Annoyed
  2. Frustrated
  3. More frustrated
  4. Denial
  5. Frustrated again
  6. Grumpy
  7. Muttering to myself
  8. Having trouble hiding annoyance
  9. Angry enough to snap
  10. Angry enough to go off
  11. Terrifyingly happy

I hit stage eleven with someone today.  It really does scary me when I get so angry I can’t stop smiling.  I start to wonder if I’m a psychopath (I’m not).

It takes a lot to drive me to that point.  Like, it’s happened so rarely I could count the times on one hand.

But my heart wants what it wants, and right now it really just wants a break to enjoy being a happy newlywed without anyone trying to drag it into their problems.

Selfish?  Maybe.

Healthy? Oh yes.

 

And so, I make uncharacteristic decisions, and try to come down from my adrenaline rush.

Now I can begin to heal, and be back to my normal perky self.

Yay 🙂

Namaste.

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